How to Deal with Your Toxic Work Environment
Toxic workplaces.
It’s almost as common (if not more common), than toxic relationships these days. If you’ve found yourself in a toxic work environment, this article is going to help you not only deal with your toxic workplace, but let it become something that you’re grateful for. Don’t believe me? See for yourself!
What are the signs of a toxic workplace?
Negative work environment.
Gossip culture.
Feeling undervalued and underappreciated.
Bosses who make you feel like you’re not good enough.
Coworkers who seem to be conspiring against you.
The list goes on and on.
You probably feel unmotivated, uninspired and just ready to escape your toxic workplace. But, leaving your job feels crazy — it’s a pandemic, remember? And you’ve got a paycheck coming in.
Have you ever heard the phrase, “wherever you go, there you are”?
Well, this applies to work too. Just because you leave your toxic workplace doesn’t mean that you won’t find yourself back in another one. That is, unless you learn how to break the pattern and uncover why you ended up in a toxic workplace to begin with.
What if I told you that I had something that could completely solve your “toxic work environment” situation?
Though I don’t usually say there are “quick fixes” to anything, I do believe that this process might be the closest thing to a magic bullet for turning your toxic work environment into an incredible place for you to learn and grow.
Have you ever said this to yourself?
If only I had a better boss/work environment/coworkers, then I would love my work.
We’ve all, at some point or another, pointed the finger at someone else for why we don’t love our jobs. We blame them for what we have not yet achieved or for why we are unhappy at work. We believe it’s because of their shortcomings or faults that we are struggling.
In short, we blame the external world for the toxic work culture that we are victims of.
This isn’t to say that the environment isn’t toxic. I’m not saying that people don’t hurt us or that our toxic work environments are our fault. This is not about gaslighting your experience or diminishing your pain. It is not about saying you should stay at your toxic workplace or even letting crappy bosses off the hook.
But here’s what happens when we blame someone else for our dissatisfaction.
We give our power away. When we give our power away, we feel powerless (and that feels debilitating).
We don’t take responsibility for our own happiness. We are stuck in the cycle of if only xyz would happen, then I’d be happy.
We lose out on incredible opportunities for healing and growth.
Let’s play out an example here.
Choose a moment from your toxic workplace that is quite hurtful or frustrating. Below are a few examples, but choose one from your own life that you’d like to work with.
A: You have been looked over for a promotion over and over again.
B: You feel like you are stuck and cannot leave your toxic workplace.
C: You have a terrible boss who makes you incredibly anxious.
D: You work your tail off and you know you are completely underpaid.
Now let’s look at the thought process that is likely happening.
A: If only they would promote me, then I’d feel appreciated and love my job.
B: If only I could leave this job and find a better work environment, then I’d be happy.
C: If only I could get a great mentor, then I’d feel like I was supported, cared for and learning.
D: If only they would pay me more, then I’d feel like my work was valued.
Again, these are just examples. Take a minute and notice: what’s the thought process that’s going on in your mind? Where is the “blame”? Where might you be pointing a finger externally?
Try this for your own challenging situation by filling in the blanks:
If only ______, then I’d feel _____.
Notice how this feels. What must change for you to feel what you want? Is it something external? Who, then, has the power in this situation?
Now, let’s try something else.
What if, instead, you stepped into your power?
What if you believed you were fully capable of creating your own happiness?
What if the toxic workplace that seems to be causing your frustration or pain was actually a mirror, inviting you to look inwards at something that’s ready to be healed?
The world is our mirror. What we see externally is a direct reflection of what’s happening internally. Though sometimes difficult to see, when we turn the pointed finger around towards ourselves, everything changes.
Maybe, your toxic boss is reminding you of your difficult relationship with your father and ultimately, that wound is asking to be healed.
Maybe your 12-hour-days that are leading to burnout are really asking you to learn to unconditionally love yourself enough to put boundaries in place.
Maybe your job that makes you bored out of your mind is pointing to the fact that you’re not living in alignment with your purpose or doing what you truly want.
And maybe you keep getting passed over for the promotion because you don’t actually want the promotion...
Let’s break this down even more..
How do we turn the pointed finger around to ourselves?
How do we let go of the hurt or pain someone has caused us?
How do we uncover what’s asking to be healed?
How do we see the lesson that the toxic workplace is trying to teach us?
The best place to start is with forgiveness.
I don’t believe in “forgive and forget”. Forgive and forget insinuates that we’re going to force ourselves to forget what happened. It assumes that we are supposed to just let go of the pain and hurt without holding onto any off the lesson. It asks us to do something that I think is nearly impossible. When someone or something deeply hurts you, is it so easy to just “forget” that it happened?
Instead, I believe in “forgive and transform”. Let’s explore how this can help you turn your toxic work environment from one that might be causing panic attacks to one that is gracing you with healing and growth.
Forgive & Transform
There are three levels of forgiveness.
Level 1: I forgive you.
Level one is I forgive you for hurting me. This is where many of us start with forgiveness. We forgive the other person’s actions and often, can release much of the pain that we are holding onto. This level of forgiveness in itself can be very freeing and is necessary for re-establishing the connection that might have been broken from the hurtful situation.
Questions We Can Ask Ourselves: Where might I be able to forgive this person for not being what I want them to be? What pain or hurt am I holding onto that I’m ready to release?
Level 2: I have compassion for you.
Level two of forgiveness is the next layer of letting go. You are able to see that the other person acted in a way that was reflective of their own internal wounds and that their hurtful action was actually not about you. Rather, it was about their own reaction to something inside of them (even if it seemed like it was about you).
Questions We Can Ask Ourselves: How might this person’s wounds or traumas be showing through their actions? Can I see inside the person’s inner child to bring compassion to him or her?
Level 3: I am grateful for you.
Level three of forgiveness is the final layer. You can now see that their hurtful action was actually meant to teach you an important lesson. It might have reflected something within you that was needing to be healed, unveiled a limiting belief that is ready to be released, or uncovered a place where your own unconditional love was missing. This level of forgiveness is the most freeing as it allows you to feel gratitude for the hurtful action, as it opened up an important lesson, healing opportunity or growth moment for you.
Questions: How might this be here for my healing, growth or expansion? What lesson am I meant to learn through this experience?
Forgive & Transform
When we achieve Level 3 Forgiveness, we are then able to take the person or hurtful action (or toxic workplace) and transform it into a positive trigger for gratitude. Rather than forcing ourselves to “forget” or “let go” of this memory, instead, the memory becomes a beautiful reminder of the lesson learned.
Here’s an example:
Let’s say you spend hours and hours working on a project that you’re really proud of. You send this project off to your boss and he doesn’t send any words of recognition or appreciation back to you.
You then internalize this. You believe that he doesn’t send any words of recognition because he doesn’t think your work is good enough. You spiral in your mind about how you are completely undervalued and underappreciated in your role.
You feel frustrated, hurt, and discouraged and focus on the toxic relationship you have with your boss.
But rather than sitting in that discouragement and allowing the same cycle to repeat itself, you try something else. You try this whole forgive and transform thing.
Here’s how it could look:
First, you move through level one forgiveness.
I forgive you for not sending me the words of recognition I deserve.
Then, you move through level two forgiveness.
I have compassion for you and can see that it’s possible that you never received words of recognition for your work, so it’s not something you’re accustomed to doing.
Finally, you move through level three forgiveness and can transform the pain into gratitude.
I am grateful to you for helping me see that by depending on your words of recognition for my own sense of approval, I am giving my power to you. I am depending on you for my own sense of worth. I now realize that my own approval for my great work is all that I need. I know that I produce great work regardless of your words of recognition. I know I am worthy and valuable because I am.
Now, any time your boss doesn’t reply with words of recognition, you then get to use that moment as a positive trigger to remind yourself that you are worthy and valuable because you are.
There aren’t really quick fixes to toxic coworkers or work environments. And, even if you implement this process and start to see the lessons being offered to you, you will still probably choose to leave your toxic workplace. But at least now, you can ensure that you won’t end up back in the same place. Additionally, you’ll get to take the lessons with you so that when you create your next career chapter, you create it from a new, more healed place of being.
If you’d like support on how to break through a pattern of toxic work environments, I invite you to book a 1:1 Intuitive Breakthrough Session with me!